We are CLOSED

If you were to drive by a storefront in the evening and happen to see that some of their lights were off, would you continue on your way and return in the morning? Or would you emulate the tool who couldn't figure out that CLOSED meant *not* open for business? That's right; instead of driving past and actually *believing* that we were, indeed, closed, she parked her car and came up to the front door, which clearly lists our hours. Mind you, half the store lights were off, the door was locked, and the sign was flipped to closed. You, being the smart non-tool that you are, would have realized that the store was closed for the evening, right? Oh, not this one! She gripped the door handle and proceeded to tug, as if not understanding that it was not going to magically open and allow her toolness to putz around and shop. (Presto change-o, alakazam, all it needed was a little jiggle!) Now you, with more than two brain cells keeping each other warm upstairs, would have turned around and walked smartly back to your car. No loss; the store will be open again soon. Alas, this brilliant example of human intelligence thought that, perhaps by *knocking* on the glass, she would get me to unlock the door, reopen the cash register, turn on the lights, radio, television and coffee machines again, and greet her with open arms and my semi-convincing I-really-do-get-satisfaction-from-waiting-on-you smile. Instead, I gleefully watched this entire process from my vantage point between crowded food shelves. Did you actually think I was going to let her see any sign of life after that foolish charade?

RanDom CapitaliZatioN

  For the love, only the first word of a sentence should be capitalized unless mentioning proper nouns or titles. Those of you who know what I'm talking about know the exceptions. Those of you who have no idea of what I write will leave this blog no more enlightened than a student who falls asleep on his history textbook hoping to gain knowledge through osmosis.  
  There was a t-shirt in a sale ad this morning that said: "Tell Your Boyfriend to stop calling me. " Now why was the first half capitalized and not the second? Were those words not WORTHY of a big letter? We don't SPEAK in capital letters; a simple semi-capitalized phrase does not SOUND differently, as in "I Love Shrimp" compared to "I love shrimp."  Are we German? Knock it off! Now, If it said "I LOVE SHRIMP", we would get the impression that the speaker has an undying devotion to the small sea creatures and is therefore emphatically professing his affection. Otherwise, those words earn small letters!
  Instead of home economics and computer classes in high school, there should be classes devoted entirely to learning the finer nuances of one's native language...oh, wait! There ARE classes like this! So what has happened to the quality of English and language arts classes (or teachers?), that suddenly Teenagers of America are capitalizing Things in whatever way they deem Fit? (Yes, those were intentional. See comment re: German.) Fewer things irk me more than incorrect spelling and grammar from People Who Should Know Better. See? It just *looks* stupid! Don't even get me started on the use of apostrophes.

Doo-wa Dippy

So this doo-wa-dippy dippy DUMB dippy doo came into work today and wanted to return an item...that she had bought the previous day. Mind you, there was nothing wrong with the item; she hadn't even used it. The issue was that it was "not a wise time" to make such a purchase, and that she had a financial issue arise. Overnight?? What's *with* that? I'm not rolling in it here (my pittance from work sees to that) but even *I* don't run into financial conundrums over FORTY-FOUR dollars. Yep, that was it. And she had purchased it oh, 18 hours earlier! Maybe even less than that. This woman is such a dipper; she is ALWAYS trying to return things. That wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing; I mean, we do take items back for up to 30 days with a receipt and good reason. But she always pays by CHECK, which take a good 10 days to clear at the bank! Does she think we're mentally deficient, that we'll refund this money that hasn't even really passed though OUR till yet? Somebody needs to learn how things work. Maybe then she'll have a better grip on her financial holdings, and buying a deeply-discounted FRYING PAN won't make or break her. Good grief, are they going to forego FOOD because it's not a wise purchase? Dippidy doo dong.