We are CLOSED

If you were to drive by a storefront in the evening and happen to see that some of their lights were off, would you continue on your way and return in the morning? Or would you emulate the tool who couldn't figure out that CLOSED meant *not* open for business? That's right; instead of driving past and actually *believing* that we were, indeed, closed, she parked her car and came up to the front door, which clearly lists our hours. Mind you, half the store lights were off, the door was locked, and the sign was flipped to closed. You, being the smart non-tool that you are, would have realized that the store was closed for the evening, right? Oh, not this one! She gripped the door handle and proceeded to tug, as if not understanding that it was not going to magically open and allow her toolness to putz around and shop. (Presto change-o, alakazam, all it needed was a little jiggle!) Now you, with more than two brain cells keeping each other warm upstairs, would have turned around and walked smartly back to your car. No loss; the store will be open again soon. Alas, this brilliant example of human intelligence thought that, perhaps by *knocking* on the glass, she would get me to unlock the door, reopen the cash register, turn on the lights, radio, television and coffee machines again, and greet her with open arms and my semi-convincing I-really-do-get-satisfaction-from-waiting-on-you smile. Instead, I gleefully watched this entire process from my vantage point between crowded food shelves. Did you actually think I was going to let her see any sign of life after that foolish charade?